What question to ask?

4:00 AM. A train rushed by whisting its trademark horn and I woke up. The room was filled with bright light, as if some body was focusing a flash light right into my eyes. Involuntarily I covered my eyes. Slowly getting accustomed to the bright light, I started seeing through my fingers.There was somebody standing infront of me. Facing me. I couldnt see the face. I could only see the contour of a face with a bright aura in the background. I could also see that the shape infront of me was holding some kind of a glittering bow in the left hand. I couldnt believe it. It cant be!! Some kind of doubt started in my mind. It said "is the figure standing infront of me actually who I think it is?" Some chill ran down my spine. My forehead started to sweat. My palms were trembling and my mouth ran dry. I was in panic and looked around. My room mate was in sound sleep, as if in anasthesia. I thought of waking him up and just then, the figure infront of me said in a suprising pleasing and soft voice "నాయనా, వివేకానంద శర్మ నిద్రలేవవయ్యా!!"

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My mobile phone's alarm woke me up at 6:00 AM as usual and I woke up. It was a strange day. Everything was looking beautiful. There was some kind of positiveness in the air which was missing till yesterday. A soft voice echoed in my mind even as I started playing M.S.Subbalakshmi's Suprabhatam on my laptop. It said "ఈ రోజు నువ్వు అడిగిన ప్రతి ప్రశ్నకు సరి ఐన ఉత్తరువు దొరుకుతుంది". I vaguely remembered talking to a figure, whose face I couldnt make out due to a bright aura in the background. But remembering the way the figure looked holding a golden bow in the left hand, I was quite sure I dreamt that I talked to Srimad Ramachandra mahaprabhu himself!!! A kind of silly smile came up on my face and I went on with my daily Surya Namaskaram regime. 

Even as the clock stuck 8:00 and I finished my Sandhya Vandanam, the voice kept on echoing as if in the infinite loop "ఈ రోజు నువ్వు అడిగిన ప్రతి ప్రశ్నకు సరి ఐన ఉత్తరువు దొరుకుతుంది". I remember reading the profound effect some dreams could have on individuals. I smiled at myself again and again trying to explain silently to my sub-conscious self that it was just a dream. Even if Sri Rama himself were to come down and talk to a human soul, he wouldnt show up to me. I might well be the most ineligible person for such an honour and previlige!! However, my sub-conscious self was telling me again and again that it was going to be a great day and that all my queries were going to be answered today.

Clock ticked 8:30 AM when I reached traffic signal point at Kundanahalli gate. The voice was still echoing in my mind, while my sub-conscious self is almost singing "పాహి రామ ప్రభో" with almost meditative effect on me. I still couldnt figure out whether I was dreaming or if it was infact reality and just another working day? I tried to silence my sub-conscious self as I started driving my blue pulsar 150cc downtown on whitefield road. With all these thoughts in my mind, I was driving at a steady 40 kmph while others were rushing past me. 

A bedate started with the Him within me.

He said "why dont you believe that it is true? Why dont you believe that it is infact happening?". 

I tried to explain to Him.

"It cant be!! It is just impossible. I only remember snapshots of what happened last night. However, it is just impossible!!!" 

He said "ok, lets put it to test!!"

I told Him "ok, let me ask one question and see if I can get the right answer!!". After a moment's  pause "what am I going to eat for breakfast?"

There was laughter. I could feel that I myself was laughing out loud at myself for having such a discussion with myself. Somehow, there was no response from my sub-conscious self. It fell silent. I felt that I was going crazy or may be that I have some kind of multiple personality disorder or that I was growing Schizophernic. I suggested myself that I should consult a neuro-surgeon still laughing at the very thought of me doing an Anniyan!!!

Suddenly from no where a piece of bread fell right infront of me on my bike - on my petrol tank. Some crows were fighting for the bread piece and it fell on my bike. I threw it away and continued my ride. 

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It was 8:55 AM as I reached ITPB. I parked my bike and just as I was about to get inside Kadamba restaurant in ITPB mall area to have breakfast, I heard some body calling me loud. It was my colleague and cubicle-mate Aishwarya Singh. 

He said "Boss has just called me. He has been trying your cell phone for about 15 minutes now. We are going to his house. There is a function there. Lets go fast."

I said "But I havent had my breakfast yet!!" 

"Arey baba, did you ever see me in office so early. Its only 9:00 AM. Prashant called me some time back and asked me to collect some stuff from office. There was an announcement last night around 4:00 AM IST that our chip is going to be awarded the outstanding innovation of the year award by DSL forum. Prashant has called for a celebration as a personal gesture. Lets go now."

4:00 AM?? I was totally dumbstruck!! However, I told myself "it is just a coincidence"

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We started for Prashant's home. Prashant has been a great manager. He had been promoted as director some 8 months ago. Naturally he was jubiliant about the success of recent chip we designed and developed at Bangalore center. Infact we never expected this response for our chip although we were confident that it would fetch some money. Even with such a happy news, I was surprisingly not over-excited. I was glad. Infact I was jubiliant but both physically and mentally I was calm as if in meditation. Even as we reached Prashant's house in Pai Layout, the soft and pleasent voice was still echoing.

The whole team was already there when we entered Prashant's house. People just finished their breakfast. Prashant was giving a kind of thank-you speech. He welcomed me and Aishwarya in and said thanked us for our support. He then directed us towards the dining table where his wife was serving breakfast. Just as we were about to get seated at the dining table, Prashant said "Ohh and Sarma, sorry. In this hurry, I could only gather up bread for breakfast. I know that you love plain dosa more than anything else for breakfast. Please dont mind." There was laughter around. I was smiling but strangely there was frown on my forehead. Only I seemed to have observed it!!

"It is happening. See I told you" My sub-conscious self started again. I just couldnt believe it!! "No No No!! It cant be" I told Him. 

"Very rarely it happens that You eat bread for breakfast and You know very well that it seldom happens that crows fight dropping bread pieces on people going to office!!" He said.

I had no answer. I said "I dont agree. I will ask one more question. Prove it to me again!!"

He said "The stronger you try the harder it is to hold soft sand in your palm. Similarly, the more you test, the harder it is to accept the truth. Dont test the truth, just believe it" in almost Matrix's Oracle style philosophical tone!!

I ignored and asked Him "Ok, let me see....!! Hmmmm....Yeah who is going to win today's test match between India and Newzeland?"

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It was almost 10:30 AM by then. Just as before, my sub-conscious self fell silent to my question. I finished my breakfast and sat with the team listening to their speeches and thanks-givings. I was still jubiliant but there was certain sense of calm and stillness in my mind. I talked very less. Most of the little chat I had was about the award and how important it was to the chip's success. The response to my queries indicated that the award itself showed how great a success this chip had been already. 

Just as the clock ticked 11:00 AM, Prashant's 10 year old daughter Priyanaka brought out an beautiful oil paint of India, Bharata mata to be precise, and was positioning it on the nail in the left hand side corner of the  room. I went to help her put it properly in position. Prashant, who knows my affiliations to RSS and thus my motherly respect and love to Bharatha mata told me that Priyanaka made it herself. Priyanaka said "last night, I couldnt sleep and woke up at 4:00. My friend gave me a picture two days ago and started painting it". After a moment's pause, she continued smiling "the side-effect however is that I couldnt go to school to school" My eyes went wet out of sheer respect for her daughter. Even as I was trying to supress my amazement about 4:00 AM, I could hear one of my colleagues Sandeep asking Aishwarya about today's test match between India and Newzeland.

It was 11:30 AM. Prashant put on his television and every body was watching the match. Everybody was tense. So was I, though my reasons were different. Tendulkar glanced a volley from Daniel Vettori to score the last four runs which signalled an Indian victory!!! Every body was jubiliant. Sandeep, Aishwarya Singh, Arun and other almost went into a theen maar dance!! I was also equally jubiliant and my eyes were glowing bright like that of a kid yet there was a sense of "could-it-be"!!!

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It was 2:00 PM. We finished our breakfast. People started planning for long vacation with their families. In the background of all the talk that was going on, I could hear the soft and pleasent voice still echoing in my mind. 

"It must be true" I felt.

"It is true" my sub-conscious self said. He kept singing his peans to Sri Rama and suddenly started singing "Bhaja Govindam....Bhaja Govindam....Govindam Bhaja...Mudha Mathe!!". Yet the unabated Me within Me kept on trying to reject it. 

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It was 2:30 PM by the time we started back to our homes. Prashant gave us leave for the rest of the day. I reached home by 3:00 PM and went out to a nearby park. I was taking a walk, trying to make some sense of the course of events that happened through the day. The infighting was going on while the voice kept echoing in my mind. I had no other way to ascertain if it is actually happening but to keep asking questions!!

I asked "Would that squirrel playing around that tree come and play with me?"

An election publicity vehicle was passing by the park and some body was shouting loud in kannada using a public addressing system "Yes you can. Yes you can. Believe in Sri Rama. Believe in our movement. You can also be a part of it. Every squirel did its part in building the Rama Sethu. Just ask them in the right way, even they would gladly join our movement and you. They would join you and me to protect Rama Sethu." The voice slowly faded out into "Join us. Let us protect our national heritage". A kid selling boiled beans was passing by and I bought a small pack. I keep a few aside and made squeeching sound to attract the squirel nearby and after a moment, it was sitting in my palm enjoying the boiled beans. I was looking at it with a dropped-jaw!!!

I told myself "I should try again. That was not a very good question." I kept on thinking about a good question, whose answer is the most obvious one and cant be anything else unless some kind of miracle happens. However even after a lot of thought I couldnt frame one.

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It was 4:30 PM by the time I started back to home. I reached home by 5:30 PM. I couldnt frame any coherent picture. Some how, without my notice, the voice seemed to have to stopped echoing in my mind. I could only listen to my voice trying in vain to imitate that soft and pleasing voice. The infighting continued. I walked along the ring road for more than 2 hours. I couldnt figure out why and how it happened.

Nothing made sense. Nothing. Hearing voices at 4:00 AM? Crows fighting for bread piece? Priyanka waking up at 4:00 AM and as if out of a cosmic coincidence drawing Bharatha mata on oil paint, showing it to me just minutes before India won the match? Squirel playfully sitting in my palm eating boiled beans? Nothing made sense. I tried to assertain the fact that I was not dreaming but the signs were unmistakable.

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Even as I tried to sleep at 11:00 PM, I tried to think about it. It didnt make any sense. Just as I fell into a abysmal sleep, I heard my mobile's alarm ringing to wake me up at 6:00.

As I was getting ready for my surya namaskara regime, my room mate asked "ఏంట్రా? రాత్రి ఏంటి ఏదో నిద్రలో మాట్లాడుతున్నావు? ఏంటో రాముడు, భారత మాత, ఉడత, రామ సేతు ఏదేదో అరిచావు. లేపుదమనుకున్నాను కానీ మంచి నిద్దట్లో ఉన్నావు కదా అని లేప లేదు!!!"

Then I realised that it was all a dream. But a brief thought came to my mind. If it was all real, how stupid of me to ask all those stupid question instead of asking the right questions? I think it happens to each and every one of us. Even of Sri Rama himself stands infront of us today, we would keep on trying to ascertain that he is infact Sri Rama than believe and pay respects and seek blessings!! హాథ విధి!!